My buddy Ethan’s in the steel cage match of his life. He better win because I have some serious plans for him and me.
Ethan. The man. The master. The legend. Here are 10 things I gots in the works so far.
1. Use the “Jack Johnson and I are tight” line to pick up hot chicks.
2. Make sure Jack Johnson isn’t using the “I know Ethan and Ari” line to pick up hot chicks without sending some our way.
3. Fly fishing for sockeye salmon in Alaska. Who am I kidding. Drink all day and night in Alaska, and tell people we went fishing.
4. Teach the world to sing our triple platinum hit single “CHD Sucks Big Donkey Balls” in English and Japanese.
5. Meet families considering fetal intervention so they know how freakin’ awesome we turned out, and their kids will too.
6. Play Vegas with our hit comedy duo “The Ventricle Diaries.” It’ll be funny to us at least.
7. Use the “Jack Johnson and I are tight” line to pick up chicks. (Worth doing twice.)
8. Pants Wayne Twortezky and Jim Lock at surgical conference.
9. Eat buckets of ice cream, drink gallons of water, and watch Battlestar Galactica reruns all day and all night.
10. Grow up, fall in love, and have children. (Not with each other, dude.) Grow old, use sildenafil for its heavenly intended reason, and live long and happy lives.
Come on man. You gotta turn this mutha out! Our greatness together awaits.
Is there anything else Ethan and I should do? Wanna join in with us? Please share your ideas. Damn right we’re gonna do them all.