My buddy Ethan’s in the steel cage match of his life. He better win because I have some serious plans for him and me.
Ethan. The man. The master. The legend. Here are 10 things I gots in the works so far.
1. Use the “Jack Johnson and I are tight” line to pick up hot chicks.
2. Make sure Jack Johnson isn’t using the “I know Ethan and Ari” line to pick up hot chicks without sending some our way.
3. Fly fishing for sockeye salmon in Alaska. Who am I kidding. Drink all day and night in Alaska, and tell people we went fishing.
4. Teach the world to sing our triple platinum hit single “CHD Sucks Big Donkey Balls” in English and Japanese.
5. Meet families considering fetal intervention so they know how freakin’ awesome we turned out, and their kids will too.
6. Play Vegas with our hit comedy duo “The Ventricle Diaries.” It’ll be funny to us at least.
7. Use the “Jack Johnson and I are tight” line to pick up chicks. (Worth doing twice.)
8. Pants Wayne Twortezky and Jim Lock at surgical conference.
9. Eat buckets of ice cream, drink gallons of water, and watch Battlestar Galactica reruns all day and all night.
10. Grow up, fall in love, and have children. (Not with each other, dude.) Grow old, use sildenafil for its heavenly intended reason, and live long and happy lives.
Come on man. You gotta turn this mutha out! Our greatness together awaits.
Is there anything else Ethan and I should do? Wanna join in with us? Please share your ideas. Damn right we’re gonna do them all.
Echo of Hope 
Mad props, Ari and Ethan – but let’s add these to the list: After surfing the Outer Atolls of the Maldives and taunting a few Hammerheads, we high-tail it over to Switzerland for a proximity flight in a custom-made wingsuit…Batman style. So, whaddya say?
You put a great big smile on my face! Go Ethan Go!
Love this! We can’t wait to watch Ethan and Ari do all these things!
Travel to Ireland, go to all the pubs, drink Guinness while telling all the Irish gals that you know Jack Johnson….they’ll say “Who?” (if they can understand your American accent at all)….flash them the Ari smile…..they’ll melt like butter…..
Ethan and Ari, “buds forever”. Sending tight hugs and “high 5’s” your way, stay strong buddy. xxx
Hey Ethan,
Hang in there, big guy. Sending love your way. You and Ari have got that certain look of soulfulness in your eyes. You will do fine with all the chicks!
Go into stealth mode when checking out chicks, then you can woo her with a song…she won’t be able to resist!
Brew beer together, pumpkin beer b/c it’s soooooo good and chicks dig it, and enjoy it by the bon fire while laughing b/c they’re thinking about when they did pants Dr. T and the look on his face!!
8 and 10 are my favorites. Go Ethan!
Love this…
See the aurora borealis
Get wildly rich & famous from your comedy tours and start doing “drive by Lock-ings”, aka James Lock, where you appear for no longer than 15 seconds in any one place.
Live long, prosperous and happy lives and retire to Charleston (Doesn’t everyone!?) so you can reconnect with your old pal, George and all three of your sons, Wayne, Jr., Wayne Jr., and Wayne Jr. can play together in the surf.
Get well, Ethan. We have big plans for you!
My personal favorite is number 4. Ethan better teach Ari how to play that guitar, that DEFINITELY helps with the picking up of hot chicks.
You guys are awesome…
My heart is full of emotion with this post. I am right there with you…and know Ethan is too! Hmmm…what else, what else…I can only think of putting it all together: You and Ethan while drinking cool refreshing water to your hearts desire, you will also be swimming in pool, while hitting on hot chicks with your pick up line, “I am tight with Jack Johnson.”
Play Texas Holdem while telling the other players how you used to use the line “Jack Johnson and I are tight” to pick up hot chics and then take all of their money!